BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK/AUTISM SOCIETY OF ONTARIO (YORK REGION CHAPTER) NEWSLETTER
BBB Autism, ASO York Region
July 26, 2001
WITH A CIRCULATION OF 250 IN OUR FIRST TWO WEEKS!
for Families (covering USA, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand)
August's newsletter schedule is half done, and I am asking for your favorite links, plus stories and articles you have written yourself on the following topics:
Thanks for all your support,
UPCOMING THEMED CHATS:
Thursday, July 26 Sensory Integration hosted by Liz 1:00pm and 8:30pm EST..
Regular chats take place Mon-Fri at 1pm and 8:30 pm daily. If no one is in the chat room when you get there...give it a chance. You never know who might drop in!
Enter chat room here.
Attention: Single Parents of ASD children:
An upcoming series of chats and Newsletter themes will be discussing this issue. We would greatly appreciate any input (i.e. links, articles, book reviews and/or personal stories you may have. Anonymity is assured! Please forward submissions to:
Your help is appreciated!
(C) BBB Autism 2001
A notice to our readers...
The founders of this newsletter and the BBB Autism support club are not physicians.
This newsletter references books and other web sites that may be of interest to the reader. The founders make no presentation or warranty with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the information contained on any of these web sites or in the books, and specifically disclaim any liability for any information contained on, or omissions from, these books or web sites. Reference to these web sites or books herein shall not be construed to be an endorsement of these web sites or books or of the information contained thereon, by the founders.
Permission to reproduce and hand out is granted, provided the document is displayed in it's entirety.
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We Love About Our Spouses
Autism Network Members:
Bernie, Liz, Gabrielle, Vicky, Bev, Michelle, Khris, Susan and Wendy
I LOVE that my husband loves my kids. (3)
I LOVE that he planned a romantic weekend/activity for our anniversary
He likes to bake/cook/prepare frozen entrees (4)
He's never let me down once when I needed him.
...Never learned to change a diaper until we had our first baby, but he
became a pro at it anyway.
…Always gives me a card on special days because flowers make me sneeze
...Loves my family as much as I do
He is the knot that keeps my bungee-cord personality from flying out of
I love the fact that he loves wilderness and nature as much as I do.
loves me UNCONDITIONALLY
love the fact that he gave me the most beautiful child in the world.
love how he makes me smile
Drives Us Nuts About Our Spouses
I think he drives too fast but that's me. (3)
He really isn't an animal lover so he really doesn't care much for
Winston (my cat). Although I have caught him on occasion petting him.
He says there is only one thing that can upset him... me getting
upset... LOL, so he wants me to stay happy and calm and well why don't
you just put me in a jar and screw a lid on real tight!
Do dishes? Not my husband!
If I ever want to hide anything from him, I put it with the cleaning
has perfect teeth, even without flossing
Not dressing up for Xmas.
Expects me to learn to drive a standard (with him teaching me!)
HE is very organized -lol not a bad thing but it’s hard for an ADDer.
wish he still looked at me the way he used to before everything in our
lives turned upside down.
thinks I'm mad at him every time I try talking to him about us
* ...He makes gray hair look GORGEOUS!!! Okay, so I like that one...LOL
in all - The last 10 years together have made us closer. We appreciate
each other and it’s always us vs. the kids lol. And us vs. everyone
else who can irritate us (like school system, etc. LOL
POST OF THE WEEK
by BBB Autism Member Khris
>>I was just going back through some posts, and caught one from
you to me that I never saw about J. You asked what I attributed his
progress to (he was diagnosed PDD-NOS and with mild MR just after his 3rd birthday,
probable Asperger's Syndrome with obsessive/compulsive tendencies at 4
1/2 and no "official" dx, but the pediatric neurologist that just saw him
at 5 said he is AD/HD and nothing else) Anyway, he never was
"severe" in any sense of the word- always somewhat social,
starting talking at 11 months with no regression, had some imaginative play
from early on, etc. But he also has come a long way. I think some things
that really helped him were:
Here are a few of my Happy Secrets....
BBB Member Becca
Marriage, patience, crisis and the power of time...
by BBB Autism member
marriage is entered in this society with a great deal of happiness and
joyful anticipation before long this rosy glow wears off and various
elements of the marriage need to be accepted and adjusted to.
Autism Society Ontario – York Region Chapter
was thrilled to be presented with a cheque for
as one of the two benefiting charities for the proceeds from the
Annual Town of Richmond Hill Mayor’s Charity Golf Tournament.
sincere thanks to the following VOLUNTEERS who gave of their time and
enthusiasm on June 18th at Richmond Hill Golf Club and Richmond
Hill Country Club
The success of this event was due to the ORGANIZING COMMITTEE:
TOWN OF RICHMOND HILL: Lynton Friedberg, Arnie Warner, Christine Morgan, Marg Dunn, Bruce Gilmour, David Dexter.
ROYAL BANK FINANCIAL GROUP: Ross Pountney
AUTISM SOCIETY ONTARIO: Lynda Beedham
YELLOW BRICK HOUSE: Lisa Rae
GOLF CLUB: Winston Jageshar & Bruce Pridham
Development Inc., Richmond Hill Golf Club, Royal Bank Financial Group,
Town of Richmond Hill
AMEC Inc., Club
Markham, Le Firme, Outback Steakhouse, PricewaterhouseCoopers, Rocfern
International Galleries Inc., Rogers Cable, Sheraton Parkway Toronto
North, The Octagon, Toronto Redi-Mix Limited, West Photo, Wilson Niblett
Chev Olds Corvette, Wycliffe Elgin West Limited, Zawadzki Armin Stevens
Communications, Baif Developments Limited, DocuCom Imaging Solutions Inc.,
Geobiron Inc., ITC Systems, Miller Paving Limited and Miller Waste
Systems, R & R Houseboat Rentals Limited, Skylar Media Group Inc.,
F. Bell, Aylesworth Thomson Phelan O’Brien LLP, A & L Medical
Systems, Ballymore Development Inc., Bank of Nova Scotia, Borden Ladner
Gervais LLP, Bratty and Partners LLP, Canadian PGA, Crestline Computer
Solutions Inc., Dr. Katherine O. King, Duke of Richmond Developments,
Earth Tech (Canada) Inc., Electronic Imaging Systems Corp., The Eyeglass
Factory Ltd., Fila Canada Inc., Hepcoe Credit Union, Minacs Worldwide, New
Directions in Health, Nor-line Plumbing & Mechanical Ltd., The NT CIA
Group, Petro Canada, Richmond Hill Chamber of Commerce, Richmond Hill
Refrigeration Heating & Air Conditioning Inc., Richmond Hill Suzuki
Subaru, Richmond Hill Toyota, Richmond Hill Hydro, Romill Security
Systems, Single Point of Contact Telecom, Sorenson Page Chrysler Dodge
Jeep, Tesoro Osteria, The Liberal, York Regional Police Association
Arnie Warner, Regional & Local Councillor David Barrow, Ainley &
Associates Limited, Allen & Sherriff Architects Limited, Alliance
Fitness Corporation, Bell ActiMedia, Blind Design and Drapes Inc.,
Bradford Highlands Golf Club, Canadian Airlines International Ltd.,
Canfloyd Trading Limited, Cardinal Golf Club, Cineplex Odeon Corporation,
CN Tower, Coors Canada, Country Style Food Services Inc., Craig Security
Inc., Curtis Enterprises, Deer Creek Golf and Country Estates, Delta
Pinestone Resort, Dynamic Direct Courier, Dynes Jewelers, Effem Inc.,
Enbridge Consumers Gas, Enbridge Home Services, e-vent Imaging Inc., Gamma
Foundries Limited, Goodlife Fitness Clubs, Grand and Toy, Helenic Canadian
Community of York Region, Hemson Consulting Ltd., Hockley Valley Resort,
Indian Motorcycle Cafe, Innocom, Jean Macdonald Beautyworks Inc., Dorothy
Jonas, Gerald Jonas, Ken’s Art & Picture Frame Place, Kodiac
Gallery, L.J. Repath & Associates, Labatt Breweries Ontario, Leoni’s
Italian Kitchen, Lone Star Cafe, MacViro Consultants Inc., Manulife
Financial - Canadian Division, Maple Leaf Consumer Foods, Marshall Macklin
Monaghan, Frank Merlihan, Mill Run Golf and Country Club, Moulinex Canada
Ltd., Net Electric Ltd., Nortex Roofing Ltd., Oakridge Golf Club, Oland
Specialty Beer Company, Parachute School of Toronto, Paramount Canada’s
Wonderland, Parkview Golf Club, Peller Estates, Patricia Phillips,
Quebecor Printing, Randomlane Industries Ltd., Raptor Mascot, Raptors
Foundation, Sandgate Construction Inc., Schlumberger Canada Limited,
Selena Coffee Ltd., George Seretis, Signature Restaurants, Silver Lakes
Golf & Country Club, Sleepy Hollow Golf & Country Club, Spezzo,
St. Louis Bar and Grill, Stacey Electric Company Limited, Stage West All
Suite Hotel, Studio Seven, Sunrise Poultry, The Beauty Supply Outlet, The
Ontario Jockey Club, The Pheasant Run Golf Club, The Putting Edge, The
Second City, The Special Needs Planning Group, The Fan 590 Sports Radio,
Thornhill Golf & Country Club, Toronto Colony Hotel, Toronto Maple
Leafs, Town of Richmond Hill, Trattoria Pane e Vino, Uniglobe
Intercontinental Travel Inc., Uplands Golf & Ski Club, Venner
Woodworking Ltd., Waterford Wedgwood Canada Inc., Whimsical Keepsakes,
Wine Kitz, Xebec Imaging Services, Yamaha Canada.
Alfresh Beverages Canada Corporation, Annadale Golf & Country Club,
Aurora Overhead Door Inc., Black & Decker Canada Inc., Brew Kettle,
Michael Burgess, Bushwood Golf Club, Canadian Thermos Products Inc.,
Classic Fire Protection Inc., Code 4 Fire & Rescue, Compugen Canada,
Al Cordery, Corporate Express Canada Inc., DSA Marketing, Embassy Suites
Hotel, Galaxie Diner, Identicam Systems Canada Ltd., Il Fornello
Restaurants, Il Piatto Vecchio Ristorante, !ndigo Books Music & Cafe,
Innova Envelope, J.P. Hammill & Sons Ltd., Jack Astor’s, Just
Desserts, Laser Quest Richmond Hill, Loblaws (Bernard St.) Peggy Lung,
McMichael Canadian Art Collection, Mix 99.9, Motive Parts Plus Inc.,
Pepsi-Cola Canada Ltd., Planet Hollywood Canada, Remy’s Restaurant,
Richmond Hill Auto Parts, Richmond Hill Auto Spring, Richmond Hill Hydro,
Richview Nursery, Robin Hool Multifoods Inc., Second Cup, Sheraton
Florist, Sports Equipment of Toronto Ltd., Swish Maintenance Limited, The
Keg, The Spa at the Elmwood, The Liberal, Toronto Airways Ltd., Trails,
Trans-Video Inspection Ltd., Wachenhut, Wayne Gretzky’s Restaurant,
Windflower, Yonge & 7 Plymouth Chrysler, Yuk Yuk’s International.
Stresses on Families
following excerpt is taken from Chapter 10 of Pervasive Developmental
Disorders: Finding a Diagnosis and Getting Help by Mitzi Waltz, copyright
1999 by O'Reilly & Associates, Inc. For book orders/information, call
(800) 998-9938. Permission is granted to print and distribute this excerpt
for noncommercial use as long as the above source is included. The
information in this article is meant to educate and should not be used as
an alternative for professional medical care.
Withdrawal and Over involvement
pattern often in seen in families with a disabled child is one parent who
stays as remote from the situation as possible while another's involvement
borders on obsession. The withdrawn parent may be just as concerned, but
either doesn't have the coping skills or has delegated responsibility to
the more-involved partner. Generally--but not always--fathers tend to
withdraw, and mothers tend to jump in with both feet.
My relationship with my
husband is changed due to his (and most males', I'm finding) lack of
whatever it takes to deal with this disability.
situation is not healthy for either parent, nor does it really benefit the
child. Parents need to keep the lines of communication open, even when job
responsibilities and schedule conflicts force one partner to be more
directly involved in activities like in-home ABA training, attending
school meetings, or talking with doctors.
Set up a time each week to talk about events and, perhaps more importantly, feelings and frustrations. Try to find ways to keep the parent who has a tendency to pull back actively involved. Perhaps that parent can take part in some rambunctious playtime while the other fixes dinner, or can take on a special weekend activity, such as Scouting, team sports, or a hobby. The trick is to actually schedule these activities and make sure that they happen. It's a rare pair of parents who are absolutely fifty-fifty in their involvement, but for the sake of their partnership, the most-involved parent needs to know that there will be regularly scheduled break times ahead.
article continues here.
because we all agree that humor helps so much....
A Prayer for the
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
Help me to give 100% at
and help me to
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
AN IDEA TO INVOLVE
THE SPOUSE WHO WITHDRAWS
During our spousal chats, we discussed how some of our husbands/wives have withdrawn since the diagnoses of our ASD kids.
It is important to ask yourself why your spouse has withdrawn. One reason may be that s/he simply doesn't feel equipped to handle the enormity of it all. S/he may be leaving all the planning, researching and organizing to you due to feelings of inadequacy. After all, who better to do everything than you?
One way to involve your spouse is to educate them. This doesn't have to be done in lecture mode, a simple way of keeping them informed about your child's day to day life is an Emergency Binder.
The main reason for such a binder is, of course, in the event of an emergency. The withdrawn spouse might be feeling they would become completely lost in the event of illness or hospitalization, so they have to be armed with a tool to help.
The binder contains pertinent information about your child...assessments, physical issues and more, but also contains a list of names, addresses and phone numbers of every professional that sees him/her. There is a description of what each person does and how often s/he is seen. Bus information should be included. Name of drivers and arrival/departure times are essential.
You can also include an up-to-date calendar. Very important to add is a medication guide. Not only with meds, overseeing docs and their doses, but also warning signs to look out for in overdose and/or side effects. All allergies should be listed here as well.
Don't leave out school information. Your child's favorite subjects and teachers (also important for buying small gifts at end of year), a schedule indicating gym days and things your child likes to take for lunch.
Tell your spouse you have put this together and let him/her know where the binder is. Ask for input. This will hopefully encourage your spouse to read and learn.
Please remember to have several copies of this binder; one to be kept outside the home (in a safe deposit box) and another at a family/friend's home.
Education is empowering, it just might help your spouse to feel comfortable in adding more to your child's life.
Good luck to us all!
Question of the Week: What are some of the things your spouse does with your ASD child?