PARENT STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS, BY PARENTS
Note
to Our Readers: Welcome to our BBB Guides, a series of documents by parents, for
parents on various topics. When
searching the web, I could find little in the way practical solutions to issues
like handling Halloween and large family gatherings.
Our message board, however always contains such fantastic tips offered by
our experts: parents of children with ASD.
These are parents of various ages, their children are affected with
various severities and they are all different ages.
About half of our contributors have more than one child on the spectrum.
I
hope you enjoy this guide and the upcoming series; and that they are helpful to
you. If you would like to
contribute to or have ideas for future guides, please email me at
mailto:bbbautism@deaknet.com.
Thanks
to all our great parent-contributors. It couldn’t be done it without you!
Note:
Our children are referred to as first initials only and we don’t include last
names. We never publish these comments without permission from the contributor.
Husbands/wives are not mentioned by name either.
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Autism Online Support Network: http://www.bbbautism.com/club_front_page.htm
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IDEAS by
Khris
We don't
have family close enough to "do" thanksgiving, but if we did I would:
Bring food
with since mine would not be happy or satisfied with the traditional fare.
* Let each pack a backpack of "stuff" to bring with, making sure to
include sensory equipment like koosh balls, vibrator pen, etc.
* If it was a large gathering let the kids wear earplugs.
Leave before
things got back- we leave almost everything right after the peak. It just makes
the experience more pleasant for everyone. My hubby will say "But the kids
are doing great" and I say, that's right, so it's time to go before things
turn.
DON’T GO TO THE INLAWS! By
Lynn
I try and keep
family gatherings low key for D. He gets way too stimmy and he get very
emotional, big, huge tears come down his face. He can't tell me why, but I know
he can't deal with the noise levels, lights, music, everything. It has to stay
calm, which can be hard to do at holidays. We keep our big family visit brief.
In fact this year, I think we are just staying home on Christmas and if people
want to visit us than that is fine. I just want to spend one holiday at home,
not running or having time limits with this family or that family. Otherwise you
don't get to enjoy what should be a wonderful relaxing holiday.
LYNN
– I AGREE by Angie
E. does not
enjoy visiting my husband’s family at all...never has!..but then I don't
either! LOL. We
go to my family on Christmas day and (unfortunately, his family on Christmas
Eve). They are very loud, overbearing and just plain. well, stupid! Every year
they act like this is a new thing with him. As soon as we pull up outside he
starts crying and wanting to go home. I may feign sickness this year and try to
get out of it.
GATHERINGS
by Bernie
We
pretty much keep with the same routine. We always spend the holidays with family
and close friends so A.'s familiar with everyone.
If
we go to my mom’s or any other family member, we make sure to take crayons,
paper, books, toys, video tapes, etc......to keep him preoccupied.
We
avoid glitzy loud parties during the holidays and just stay with the familiar.
WHAT
WE DO by Juli
If we're going
to my parents or sisters I bring a video, a computer game, Snackwell
"yellow" crackers, a can of mandarin oranges and the toy of the
moment. Like Khris, we usually leave just after peak time plus we designate the
main parent before we go - one gets to visit and have a couple and the other is
on duty. Unfortunately this sometimes doesn't work! LOL
I put
together sensory grab bag of inexpensive items from the dollar store.
I buy things that catch my eye and put them in a Rubber Maid container.
This container is out-of-reach. Before a gathering, I grab a fancy bag and a
handful of these little toys to keep J. busy.
The toys are inexpensive enough that I can get a few each month and
stockpile them. The toys are rotated, so they are different every time!
If your child is young, or mouths, use caution with this idea.
I just
heard that Longo’s (Greater Toronto Area) sells an entire Christmas dinner for
six (with all the trimmings) for $89.99. I
would think this could be a lifesaver if you are expected to feed guests in your
own home. Longo’s website:
http://www.longos.ca/eng/homepage.asp?flash=no. I read this in Homemaker’s
magazine, so I don’t know if they are still offering it or not. Still,
worthwhile to check it out! J
Bringing a
favorite video saved just for this occasion is also good.
As Khris
mentioned, bringing food and drink that my kids will eat.
This can be tricky at Passover, or when we are going to a kosher home,
sometimes we have to get real creative! Sometimes, J. has to have a meal before
we go out.
Tag teaming
with my husband has always worked. One
of us eats first while the other goes to a quiet room with J.
I agree again
with Khris on leaving on a positive note. Learning to read the signs and
anticipating a meltdown is a good tool. Be ready to leave quickly, always have
your stuff packed up and by the door. This
can be hard on my older daughter; she doesn’t always want leave so we have to
set up a system ahead of time.
The only holiday that we have to
worry about is Christmas. The rest we just stay at home but for Christmas, we
travel to my parents’ house (about 7 hours away). It is not a trip I look
forward to. But to cope there are some things that we do. Firstly, any
foods that the boys need to have, we bring. I don't like the idea of having
to go out grocery shopping when we get there, so some things (special cereals,
cookies etc), we bring with us. Stuff that doesn't travel well, I ask my mom to
have it there for us.
We bring things that give the
boys comfort. For T, that is an assortment of books, and more recently he likes
to toss around plastic containers. For A, his blanket is a must, and his beads
and some favorite videos. This year we are taking a TV that has the VCR built in
because last year, one of my brothers that was also visiting, just didn't
"get it" that watching the videos was something that made them calm,
and helped us to have a good time. He would insist of watching football or
something, which just meant that they boys would start to get into things.
My mom does a pretty good job of
autism proofing the house; knick-knacks are put away, and a baby yard is put
around the Christmas tree. This keeps my kids from trashing her tree and opening
the gifts prematurely.
While we are there, we often take
the boys for a drive, as it is a break for everyone; us from having to watch
them so closely, and my parents from having to listen to all their noises. We
also tend to relax the rules and not worry so much about eating too healthy.
The key is survival, so whatever makes life easy, we go with it!!
It tends to be a very long 5
days. There is not much rest for us but the one saving thing; it is a very
festive time at my folks’ place, lots of drinking! LOL
Because our kids are so routine
oriented, it can be advantageous to keep holiday gatherings heavy with those
tried and true family traditions (translation, routine for our kids!). If you
can bear the burdens, have dinner at your home with all their favorite things
readily available; especially those escape rooms for times of overload. It makes
it easier to have family help by bringing dishes, helping clean up, etc.in our
home rather than dealing with too much change. Keeping the environment familiar
can be a starting point for working on some of those social skills in small
steps.
Engage kids in some sensory
preparations. Have them knead dough for rolls, pies.etc.Let them make their own
creations. Keep on hand some modeling magic for Thanksgiving creations for the
table. It is a nice way for socializing in a cooperative more relaxed manner.
Give your child a disposable
camera and designate them as the photographer. For those that love the role-play
this will give a wonderful escape and they can do as little or as much as they
want. Practice a few scripted questions they can ask family and friends to go
along with their pictures. Pair an older child who can be the journal keeper.
Too active?? Hit the outdoors for
a romp in the leaves and a quiet escape. Rent or view some Thanksgiving videos
for visual preparation. Try to anticipate all the sensory issues and find
outlets for them.
Our Thanksgivings have evolved
over the years but we really stay with traditions! Of course, Nick has
introduced a few new ones as well. From the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving video we
know have to have popcorn on the menu. LOL
While a wonderful time for being
thankful and being with our families, it can be a terribly stressful day for
adults, let alone our kids with sensitivities. Sometimes our most thankful time
can be the end of the day when it is all over!!! Wishing you all a wonderful
Thanksgiving!!
******
Please note: The
information contained within this guide and the other BBB Guides are not the
advice of a physician or other professional.
This Guide contains strategies, tips and opinions as offered by other
parents of ASD kids. Always seek
medical advice.
BBB
Autism does not recommend any particular therapy/intervention, but ALWAYS
endorses your right to be INFORMED!!!
OTHER BBB PARENT
GUIDES AVAILABLE
CONTAINS PRACTICAL INFORMATION
BY PARENTS FOR PARENTS Available on request, e-mail liz@deaknet.com and ask for: (now available in PDF format)
1.
Halloween
2.
Epsom Salts (long version)
3.
Epsom Salts (condensed)
4.
Pros and Cons of telling your ASD child his/her diagnosis
5.
How we advocate for our children
6.
Guide to holidays and large family gatherings
A notice to our readers...
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founder of this document and the BBB Autism support club contributors are not
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Autism – October 2001
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